


In The Shadow Of Your Heart

by ShaMbolic



Category: Supernatural
Genre: DON'T EVEN READ THE TAGS, DON'T READ THIS IF YOU'RE NOT DONE WITH SEASON 9, Demon!Dean, Gen, M/M, RUN YOU FOOL, Season 10 Speculation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-09
Updated: 2014-06-09
Packaged: 2018-02-04 01:42:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1762109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShaMbolic/pseuds/ShaMbolic





	In The Shadow Of Your Heart

**I can hear your heartbeat. I tried to find the sound, but then it stopped, and I was in the darkness.**

 

So that was it. Metatron was incarcerated and heaven was back to its assets. But the hole in Castiel’s chest couldn’t be filled in any way. When Metatron told him that Dean was dead the last bit of his grace shook up his body, tearing down his hopes. He felt tears stinging at the corner of his eyes and yet he couldn’t cry them.   
It was all so surreal that a part of his mind kept telling him it was all fake, that it couldn’t have happened. But when he tried to search Dean in what was the surrounding world, he couldn’t feel his presence anywhere.   
No whisper, no cry, no prayer. Nor he could feel his presence in heaven.   
Maybe it was because the veil still needed to be fixed. Dean soul belongs in heaven, no matter what.  And Cas would have fought until the very end to make sure of it.  


He just wanted to be an angel, be in heaven without being  the leader that everyone thought he was,  for far too long. But now that Dean was gone, he didn’t know what to do with himself.  He felt broken, useless, and couldn’t care less about the fact that his grace was almost shredded to bits.  He didn’t want to tell anyone about it, he would have gladly waited for death. But there was one last thing he needed to do. He owed to the younger Winchester, the only, Winchester.  
He had to check up on him, and say his goodbye to Dean. No matter how bad it would have hurt, he couldn’t let himself die in peace without seeing Dean’s dead body with his own eyes.

He concentrated and used the little energies he had left to search for a sign of Sam.   
In the back of his head, a distant echo of an incoherent and broken speech resounded feebly, but Cas immediately recognized it as Sam’s. He took a deep breath and was ready to zap himself down to him, when something  far more dark, a mournful howl,  hit him strong and vibrant in his head. And then he just _knew_.

 

**So darkness I became.**

 

It was like a thousand of earthquakes had shaken his body, like all his veins tangled up and then uncurled like strings. He felt his chest caving, his head suddenly lighter then air, Crowley’s voice echoing in the back of his mind like a thunder, and then, all of a sudden, everything got completely silent, like someone had turned off a switch. He obeyed. He opened his eyes.   
The world in front of him was exactly the same, but it didn’t felt like it. The exact moment his eyelids got out of the way, he knew he was a goner.  
That was nothing like demonic possession, it felt more like a new kind of life, almost like Crowley told him it would be. His soul hadn’t left his body, it was still there.   
But it was doomed. It became what souls become after centuries in hell.   
He had become a fledged demon. But couldn’t seem to care. Not even one bit.   
He remembered everything. He knew everything. But all his feelings were different.  
They were there, he knew they were, but they seemed to belong to a past life.  
Only when Crowley left, telling him they would have surely seen each other soon, and Castiel appeared through the door, a deep, burning pain in his chest started to rise.

 

**I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too. So I stayed in the darkness with you.**

 

Castiel knew that something was off as soon as he got in the bunker. He heard some noises coming from the storage room, but knew that he had to head to the second room to the left in the corridor ahead. He was there.   
Castiel pushed the door open, not even thinking, not even trying to prepare himself for what could be in front of him. But when he did, his heart melted at the sight of Dean standing right on his own two feet. He could have noticed a million thing. The cutting smell of sulfur, the stains of blood on the bed and on Dean’s shirt. He could have noticed the distorted face with black eyes that hid behind the one he knew. But instead he only cared that Dean wasn’t dead. Not in the way he thought he would be at least.  
It was painful, it was heartbreaking. But at the same time it was a relief.  
He never thought he’d be happy to see what he was seeing then. But he was. So damn much.

-Dean..- He said cautiously, closing the door behind him.

As soon as he pronounced his name, Dean’s eyes flicked from black to green and Castiel’s heart skipped a bit.

-Cas..- he said back. His voice was the same. Even the tone was the same.

Castiel tried to take some step towards him but Dean lifted his hand and stopped him.

-Uhm. Could you please stay there? Your presence is kind of giving me a headache.- he muttered.

-Sure.- Castiel understood. Everything about what was in front of him screamed “to kill”. But that was Dean. No matter what, the human he loved was there underneath.

There was silence for a few moments. He kept staring at Dean, while he never cease to look away. Eventually Cas broke the silence.

-Metatron was captured. We incarcerated him.- he said.

-Mh. That’s.. that’s great.- Dean kept randomly gazing at Cas then back at the carpet.

-Dean..- he called him again, taking a chary step. Dean didn’t protest so he took another one, and was now close enough that he could clearly see the man’s features like nothing had changed. He smiled.

-What’s so funny about all this crap Cas, mh?- Dean snapped.

Castiel smile didn’t shrink one single bit. –Nothing is. But you’re alive. And I can still see you. The real you.- A tear fell down the corner of his eye and he didn’t bother to wipe it away.

Dean noticed it and looked at him, taken aback. –Cas I..- his voice cracked but his emotions were well caged under his skin. Far better than when he was human. –I’m sorry.- It was all he managed to blurts out.

-I’m not.- the angel answered, closing the distance between them with two final steps.

Dean turned up his nose and pressed his hand to his forehead. – Cas don’t come too close, I don’t know what I could do.-

Castiel didn’t hear a word and grabbed Dean by the coat bringing him just a few inches from his face. His eyes were all watery as he whispered – I don’t care. You’re alive and that’s all that matters. I’m going to help you, even if it’s the last thing that I do.-

Dean was still giddy and burning. But the thing growing in his chest won’t stop pushing.

-Castiel.. there’s nothing we can do. I don’t want to be around you. Or Sam. I could hurt you both. And that’s not what I want.- He said, his face almost hard as stone, even if he kept staring at the pavement. – I’m an abomination, I can’t be saved.-

-I’d rather have you, Dean. Cursed or not. Remember?- Castiel murmured closed to Dean’s face, not taking his eyes off of Dean’s.

Dean was in disbelief. Even in what was the crappiest scenario he ever witnessed in his life, this angel, this stupid, weird, handsome angel, won’t leave him alone.

Cas interrupted Dean’s thoughts giving him a gentle peck on the lips that made Dean shudder for a thousands different reasons.

-We will fix this.- Cas whispered.

He didn’t care how or what they had to do. He raised him once, he would raise him again.

He would raise him endlessly.

 

 


End file.
